change me

 Today I am faced with the reality that marriage is hard.  A lot of me says "it would be easier to just give up", but knowing that it really wouldn't be ~ I choose to press on, leaning on God's strength, trusting that he loves me and will see me through, see US through.  

Recently I was asked if I thought marriage was harder for some than others.  I really thought that was a good question, that I couldn't answer completely.  Mostly because I'm not involved in everyone's marriage and can only really speak from what I know and read I guess.  I'm sure, like all things in life somethings just come more naturally for some than others, marriage included.  I suppose choices throughout life probably has something to do with it.  I suppose one's relationship with the creator could play a role also.  I'm sure there are many, many faucets that can make marriage harder or not.  

For me and J, we have been together for twenty years, married for eighteen of them.  I can honestly say we have felt like we have been to hell and back a few times.  We haven't made great choices throughout and I'm sure that hasn't helped. :) I would say it has gotten easier in many ways and then also harder, for we face different obstacles and challenges now, that we haven't ever experienced.  As people grow, lots change including the people themselves, some of that change is great...maturity and such and some is hard to accept, maybe just getting older in and of itself.  I'm finding that not only do you have to accept the other person, but you also have to accept yourself.  For us well, lets just say we are two VERY different people, with VERY different personalities.   Everything from what we like to how we handle things are VERY different.  But you know that's OK (I can say this now, where even last year I couldn't have), because God is our maker and he knows us and He has a plan for us, and even though walking this thing out is major difficult sometimes it is worth it.

So why am I sharing this, well because as a women, a married one at that, I love honesty, and openness.  Because people like to say how great things are and how well things seem to go, but what about the hard times?  What about encouraging one from what you wouldn't want anyone to know, about how really hard it is sometimes.  Honesty doesn't make a person week or insignificant, or less of a "christian".  It just means they are the ONE person out of many that are willing to open up and share what life really is behind closed doors.  Truth is liberating and helpful and encouraging.  Truth is letting others know that "hey, yes, life is not always peaches and cream, and more than that ~ marriage is tough, one of the hardest things I'VE ever done.  It changes, you daily, grows you, brings you closer to Jesus, makes you give up yourself and your own desires, trading them in for HIM and HIS desires.

So I want to encourage you to keep pressing on, seeking God and pray...

My prayer is not for Him to fix a certain area, for there isn't just "an area", or change a specific thing, or attitude, but my prayer today is for Him TO CHANGE ME.  With no expectations, no preconceived ideas,just simply faith in knowing He answers prayer and I want him to start with ME.

JM