MY MISCARRIAGE

Hello baby at age 43!  A huge surprise to be honest.  The thing with getting pregnant when you're older isn't the actual conception but the carrying.  And that had proven true with me for a very long while.  I have had several miscarriages over the last year.  Several "chemical pregnancies" and a couple that actually went a few weeks longer.  This last one however was a doozie.  I grew to ten weeks.  However, come to find out the baby had past at around six weeks.  I had the typical, or terrible sickness and all the signs for the duration of the pregnancy, even though the baby had passed.  I just wanted to document this season here in the space for my own heart and wanted to more write about my feelings throughout the process more than the actual process.  

When I found out that I was pregnant I was excited that new life was growing inside me once again.  Then reality settled in, and I had all the fears ~ Can I do this again, I'll be more like the baby's grandmother than mother...

I have felt for some years that I would have one more.  Of course, I'm over here thinking...ok Lord I'm gettin kinda old!

When I woke up feeling "less pregnant" I felt something was definitely wrong.  I quickly made an appointment for private ultrasound from a local lady that just does ultrasounds for fun basically not medically.  I went in knowing something was off, she quickly confirmed that yes indeed the baby had passed.  She was able to tell me that all was well with everything, and I would probably be passing everything soon.

I was terrified!  I had read and heard horrific stories of later miscarriages and was scared of the pain and what I was about to go through.  I quickly asked for friends and family to pray.  I cannot tell you the peace that came over me.  I knew the Lord was asking me to trust Him and the process He was walking me through...

I knew everything was going to be okay and through His strength I could do this.  

The next day I started going through the whole process and by the next day it was all over.  I was never in crazy pain, and I was never super emotional.  When the baby passed, I had such an amazing feeling and peace again, and such relief that I knew it was over.  I had done it.  The Lord had walked me through one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

Recovery was good.  I rested a lot.  I stayed home until I felt like I was ready to go out.  I never did get emotional, which I’m grateful for. My body feels like it recovered so well and I feel so good to feel good!  

Blessings,

Lanie